Negative people are unfortunately everywhere. They can be in your home, they can be in your workplace, or even amongst your closest groups of friends. Negative people can also be very draining. We’ve all experienced the side effect of having a pessimist around. A couple of years ago we had a new girl join our lab and everything she said was negative, she put off such a depressing vibe that I ended up not being able to eat lunch with my labmates anymore. I just didn’t need that type of karma around me. Breaking up with negative people can be hard, especially when they’re your friends. Believe me, I’ve done it and while this particular “friend” ended up blaming me for everything that went wrong in their life for a while walking away from them was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.
So how do you deal with negative people without becoming negative yourself? Here are a few tips to help you successfully break up with negative people.
Set Boundaries.
Boundaries are huge! I never knew how huge boundaries were until I got married. Merging a family isn’t easy, especially when you have to open your arms to constant criticism. I’ve found that by setting boundaries, I’m not giving the other person a chance to envelop me in their cloud of cynicism. I give myself full control of when and how long I want to be around someone. If there is someone you can’t avoid, say in the workplace keep all conversations deliberate and intentional. By removing myself from the lunch group I removed myself from any unnecessary dealings with the negative nancy in our lab and allowed myself to enjoy a stress-free lunch. If you have trouble setting boundaries in relationships a great book to check out is Boundaries by Henry Cloud.
Nip It In the Bud.
Some people don’t realize they’re being negative unless they’re told. When a friend or a colleague starts to go down that road nip it in the bud. You can do this respectfully without hurting the other person’s feelings. I sometimes playfully, but seriously call out “You’re being negative again!” to bring it to the person attention. This usually does the trick, or they leave the room and continue being negative somewhere else. Either way, I don’t have to deal with it. If it’s a good friend or family member let them know how their negativity affects you and explain to them how you don’t like to be around it. You may find out that their negativity is a product of your perception. What may be a non-harmful comment may come off negative to your ears. Talking it out is the best way to find out what’s really going on.
Lend a Listening Ear.
If you find someone is constantly negative empathize with them and find out where these negative feelings are coming from. Maybe they just need to vent and get it all out. Maybe they’re dealing with stress from the job that you can easily help relieve by possibly teaching them a better way to approach the problem. If it’s a family member or a friend invite them out for coffee or lunch and just sit and talk. You’d be surprised at how some people are only negative because they want someone to ask them what’s wrong.
Do not Feed the Bear.
This may sound contradictory to what I mentioned above, but if you’re dealing with a person who is constantly negative despite all your attempts to create a more positive atmosphere your best bet is to ignore them. Use short but polite comments like “oh okay”, “sorry to hear that”, or “it’ll get better”. By not engaging negative people in conversation it limits who they can talk to thus limiting the ability to express their negative views.
Do you have any useful tips for dealing with negative people or bad attitudes? Share your tips in the comments below.
